well I can't set my house on fire every night
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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