i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
