you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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