I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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