haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
