I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
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