i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.