Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
