I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.