the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
