what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
