Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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