I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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