What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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