i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
