So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
