dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
