What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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