i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
