only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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