1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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