I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
