Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My liver just had a heart attack.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
