I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
