new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
