yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
