I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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