I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
