I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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