Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
