did you get engaged???
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
