he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
