Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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