1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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