You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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