Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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