4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
