So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
