I'm really into asian looking animals
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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