my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
It was like giving head to a cactus.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
