you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
