So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
