So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize