it wasn't lemon gatorade
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
