Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
