It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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