My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
