____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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