that's an acceptable place to lick
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
