my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
