No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
