she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
