Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
