you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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