So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
