fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Randomize
