i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize