Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
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Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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