he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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