trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
