listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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