By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i came on her dog
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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