I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
