Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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