The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
