I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
