The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
