She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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