people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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