Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
