Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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