so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
