I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can't special order awesome
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
