is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
