New invention idea: vibrating tampons
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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