I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
