I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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