haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My vagina is officially offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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