Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
