Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
