You made me cry and you don't even care
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
