How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
